It was a time when nothing was -.
She was free from their charges but held prisoner in her own body. The house was quiet of disaster, cockroaches were nowhere to be spotted. The walls were splashed with guilt and marvelous pleasure, a dark one. She locked all the doors in an upsetting motion. Bu,t he lives inside her. Under her bed, in her closet, on the white obscure lamp. Once, she opened the ceiling to get the air to change in hopes of getting him to leave.
But, he didnt leave, nor would he ever, the bastard.
I remember the night I started running like a maniac. shamelessly, I gathered the pieces and cast the spell. A spoon full of urine helps the medicine go down. I remember the exact shirt I wore, it was a blue shirt that had a University symbol embellishing the left corner of its blues. Dauntless, to her surprise.
It was pouring that night, in the summer, and nothing got wet but this little wrong thing that he never returned. It was the second Thursday in a chain of evil Thursdays.
Due to your relish for her certificate, certificate to insanity, she now accepts you.

You no longer creep from way under the bed,these days, you get a careless invitation to hop in.

I know she will never.
Herein, I mark a digression.





Give it back.

sticks

I dont really know what to make of this. One day Im this and the next, Im that.
Im certainly not the type to be proud of meeting, not that Im underestimating the power of my existence, just shrinking it a little bit to its rightful size, I suppose.
 I bought some drums.
It sounds insane, but yes I certainly, without doubt, have drums all over the floor and it drives me crazy because I dont even want to play the drums.
Lets ignore the fact that my decision making system is damaged to no repair, take you for example, steady you, strong you. You like someone. You fancy them. You buy them with sweet phony love, and once they are truly yours to have, you wished you hadnt even want them in the first place. Im such a jerk its insane.
this is not even a lovely post, Im sorry, Im just insanely disappointed with myself, Sorry.
Maybe I do want to play the drums, maybe I was right for doubting myself in the fist place.

Me and the drums, we will just have to be secretly in love with each other, or otherwise secretly in despair.

She wore a tight short skirt over silky tights, the see through kind that leaves you nowhere but hanging for more. She was all black from her puffy cardigan to her very dark blue shoes.
She looked great because she had long long legs. But little did She know about the functioning of her that night.
It started out dry, comforting in a way as she stuck another vegetable down her throat. There were 10 people maybe 15 at a time, coming and going while maintaining a kind of quiet that needed so the neighbors wont flip.
Her hair was nice that night and she gave an extra minute to completing her make up. She was swell. She really was.

And the night didnt show any signs when the 4th shot started kicking  in, She was amused with its wonders. She has never been under it, she planned it, fearfully, she was under control.
She kept the name of her valentine like a grudge and even when he changed' under it', and a flow of red jealousy washed her long cold legs She didnt even grimace or make a face. When he wanted some other girl, She didnt say a thing, there was nothing to say, it didnt hurt, just like a mosquito bite, to say the truth.

The three of them, the for if you are including the ghost of She, sat behind a parked car behind the gate that made her realize that she had reached the under it. they were pursing lips together and when She sat down amazed a girl gaveher the cigarette so She could do the same, transmit smoke to her. She said no.
But then she agreed and the girls bonded in a lip locking motion that didn't involve the nastiness of the tongue.
And then She saw him and her doing the same and she thought they were kissing even though that girl asked him to forget about the tongue. The third person, another guy, wanted Her to do the same with him. She said no. But then she agreed. It was forced on her. And then there was tongue and she pulled away and said without the tongue,please. And he held her.

And she doesnt recall the whole thing she knows parts of it. The rythem of his tongue, the way he felt up and down her ghost. The way she hated herself afterwards. The regret versus the sweetness of his cheating hold. He didnt like her, not much, not even a little not even at all.
She is kind of through now, with boys and friends and birthdays and things that have an edgy strong smell to them. She is "swell".




I hope she will get over it, soon.