looking

Oh come on.

It is too early in the afternoon to be listening to my parents sex jokes.

I think its always to early for those.

Im probably kinda disordered this week.

I dont know, I try to cheer up but I truly cant seem to get over myself

pa-lease.

Im a big boy, big boys have fun, I guess they do.

I saw a tv program about this singer and when I heard how she spent her teenagehood I envy her to no end. 

I kinda envy everything, little skinny girls and people with strong personality that have lots of fun. People who runaway from home and live on their own for a while in a different city, just get on a bus and care not about anything nor anybody. 

Right now Im looking for a job. Anyone hiring?

nocostdom

Hello,
As freedom isnt something you can buy cheap, you need to attend as much powerful life long conferences as possible in the making of just slightly shaping the cushion under it.
whether it speaks to sense or not, Im sure we make it very clear that the vibes in which we go on about our lives is somewhat a freshly squeezed product of how much freedom we have built in our mind.
Let me oh-so kindly break it down for the naked eye to see ( more precisely, so I could see whether I hold a point tonight folks): freedom has a complicated definition, it could mean parental freedom to do whatever it is you want to do, it could be just as easy as living in a country where you are free of being a slave, free to vote at the right age- have the freedom to do as you seem fair- with boundaries.
Oh goody, boundaries, these where what I wanted to blab about, of course.
Boundaries:
1. Criminal Laws
2.Social 'Laws'- norms, social behavior rules and acceptance.

Lets skip right to number 2 for number one just bums me out sometimes, nothing is legal these days.
We are all familiar with THE CODE. A key to a society's blooming and flourishing. Going against it will end up causing a dilemma, a little outburst of shame and war. So you tell me, are we really the proud owners of Freedom? Are we really living up to the full potential of our short term relationship with earth? I dont know. Im not here to judge, I dont give a fuck at all. Not a shitty slight. I know its hard to avoid norms because we are so  very rooted to the ground by those that we seem to avoid any thought of cutting them loose, not in the actions of a revolution but in the paths of the mind! Its easier than it seems and yet so hard. So hard to set free to all those boxes keeping us in place.
So farting in public is rude, cleavage is dis respectable, lying is wrong and yet saying the whole truth and nothing but it is over the top, ok Im not talking about these. Im talking about the mind, the slavery of your mind. Maybe if we tried to think outside this situation and that awful thing that just happened and focus on things like "how I get what I want out of everything I do" or "what is my real reason for doing this/ speaking like this/ talking to that person about that topic?" I mean I sure have to try these things sometimes. I need to reinvent myself. Even if some people take me for granted I can sure do my darn best to own up to things, to get what I want and what I need to determine whether I deserve it. Free yourself of the critics free yourself of the burden of people, try to enjoy your time dont let it go to waste. Now lets see me do this one day when I sober up! Ha.

Sleep tight, Im coming back with  a chapter of a story.

Mathew

Chemistry Fhemistry

Hi there,
The hour is pretty much late and Im safely typing under the influence of two blankets on our leather couch with MTV in the background. The humming of bad rappers and failing pop artists is accompanying me tonight, every once in a while there are some new stuff on that's too off on the hipster side to be put on regular program time next to our friend Gaga or whoever. Fine.
I mean, I have so many pages to fill concerning my state but its too risky to spill the content of my questioned being since the 7th of March. I dont know. Everything keeps on changing.And I cant fully explain the group dynamics that failed to hold me like aura to a boiling pot for those molecules are too complicated and now when its sealed and done I cant really grasp what the hell went on. And a lot did. I was drugged for a period of time that now looks like forever by a chemical connection that took an inside job to be broken and divided, and to simplify my bullshit (always needed, in my case) it only took a couple- a young pair of love doves I mean, and rumors, of course! Oh well, now when its done I guess I am able to see again, I was blind by fitting in. I was blind and now I can see. I was stuck and now with all my sadness and nostalgic sentimental gesture toward that time I have this big window of opportunity to start over. To restart. Those people never appreciated me to a full extant and all though I wanted to fill the gaps our friendship never made it to a level where I could state, never ever going back on it, that we can talk and flip the speech like fish and it wouldn't get boring. Because friend, I know you think I trashed you behind your back, I really didnt, but I do have to say I never had a friend who was as boring as you were to talk to. I dont think its me though, I think the problem is actually yours. You lost me and i think I was pretty damn ok, ok? So fuck off now, Im just having a little fun now that you kicked my ass out of our little nest of a group... Even though you broke my chances with that person I wanted to, I'll put it harshly and flattened as hell, 'hook up', it was never your fault, it was mine and Im aware of the fact that even if you had invited me that night, i dont think anything whould have happened there. Im ok with it.

So.....
Fresh start eh?
pshh.... Havent had those in a while now. Im actually pretty damn excited because thats the first time since I moved back here that somebody is kicking me out of a group and not me exiling myself for the sake of it. Yes, I used to do that, a lot. Wow. Thats what I call 'Moving somewhere'.
As Im writing this I know that I cant escape S and E, even though they have decided to cut me off, it doesnt mean it wont go back to a relationship state of being. As Im writing this Im realizing that I was in that same exact situation a year ago! I never learn! And now Im hanging out with T, just like it used to , I need a change, I cant stick to this circle of corruption and distaste! Seriously, inhale this motto "Have fun". Thats all, I guess, for now. You dont need no more than that when you are 15 touching 16...

Oh and happy one year anniversary, Raw Powerr, woah, I dont remember when exactly I formed you but it was in April so its bound to be that day sooner or later...

She is a big girl now.
She can take care of herself. She locks the doors and shuts the windows and gets a blanket when its cold.
She cooks dinner when she is hungry, she gets the stove to work just fine.
She knows that whats wrong is wrong and whats right depends on the circumstances. She fell for a new one and they talked for a thousand years time. Under a colder sky than the fridge, that's for sure, she can staple a truth to that. The night took a younger shade while maintaining a black pitch almost deadly to the eyes of the observer, people came and went, gathered around a drunk spirit and clattered off into gates of the memory. No coincidence, there She thought, that this is right around from that one night in December or was it October?
Now She knows a taste what is, now She feels the flattering wings of disaster.
And romance is a sold deal, it is a joke not likely funny to each and every ear and She knows the truth just fine.
Cant She get a night's worth fun?