This is a giraffe
or is it a shadow of a guitar?
pretending to be a giraffe
How well do you think you know this adaptation.
Observe, indeed.
You think, that's the origin of the problem

Most blogs, well yes, good ones, get people to attach comment to their posts by the 6th month or so, but Raw Powerr, the mighty, has had some commenting going back on its baby teeth. Those must have fallen out and so had the comments! Amazing. Fuck off, who gives a damn nickle about your pickle. I hate that kind of Skins Pandora talk(You are lacking free time if you aint got the slightest idea who Im blabbing about here!).

What I hate is feeling like you have absolutely no control over what goes on here. I hate that you cant manipulate the situation a 100% to your advantage. I hate being selfish and at the same time so willing to give all Ive got to cherish for that person. it's killing me. Really does, you know? Ive given you about 100 signals, I might as well play "you can leave your hat on" with the signals Im getting from you, or not getting, my dear. I like it that you are intense. I like it that we collide at heating points in which we could argue to no end. Hell with it. I dont need you to be mine. I need Me to be MINE. I really do, you see, you are messing with me and Ive got so much I can load on my plate these days so please, please. Please,please. Im so confused I cant even demand anything. Let alone politely ask you to...

Boy do I need a little drink.

Oh and happy new year even though im late and this is not even the first post since the change. whatever.

L.A Ritalin

Today I took Ritalin. Its a kind of pill they give to "treat" ADHD, I dont have ADHD nor am I a hyper kind of person so I had to bargain it off my pal E. E has started taking it, she probably does need them too, it was way too easy to get a grip on them. I have my reasons to take such risk and take a drug that isnt meant for me specifically(on a school day). I was curious, thats all. I wanted to know, because nobody could fully describe to me what it does to you. Being srounded by established doctors, I could probably land on many other drugs even more 'precious' than Ritalin, but I chose that, mainly because I hate the thought of stealing from my parents. This is the reason why I dont steal dough from their wallets nor do I steal smokes or booze from them, even though I could and they probably wouldnt notice it either. When E described the effects of Ritalin to me on the damn phone I became envious as hell. I mean, how come she gets to be full? How come she gets to be not- hungry? How is it even possible to be full? This question twisted into a being in my mind, it  drove me to popping this egg looking capsule.
I dont think anyone could ever be full. I am a very hungry person. I am skinny, to a certain level, all though I don't really know how I've stayed skinny with this appetite of mine.I think being so dependent on food is insane, I dont like it. This consistency, this dependency on food, it is upsetting me. Its horrifying me. And thus, I wished to change it. I want to go against nature- I want to not be hungry. Does this mean, if I converted it into something bigger, mind you, that I dont want to wonder around about life? That I want to stop this never ending crave to- live-. LIVE!
I am probably testing myself too, because right now, I dont see a meaning to continuing the path society has craved for me, over its gazillion years and times of operating, using norms. Im trying to 'collect' myself, and Im hungry but just as I never seem to be full with the food on my plate, I cant seem to settle my mind and be full with going to school, university, getting married and having children. Im not full with that kind of lifestyle, nor with life at all. And I think people who are always incomplete, unfulfilled, are unbalanced and I dont think this balance is possible with the way I operate. Im very indecisive. its killing.
To be frank, the Ritalin is a spoof, I became hungry right in time for dinner.As far as I know, Ritalin is fine. just isnt doing much to quiet my hunger. I guess Im a really hungry person. I did feel kind of weird under it. Maybe  I felt more concentrated, I dont know how to explain it, just like nobody could explain it to me. I had to do it and its an experience I will cherish. My eyes hurt, it really does make them wide, its difficult to blink in a natural gesture. First I felt kind of numb and heavy and it made me chuckle under my breath. I feel calm, and my hunger is more bearable than usual, manageable yet still sensed.
After all, hungry people are hungry people, even if they have all the food right on their plate.


And I probably do too.
Ungratefulness.Its killing.

Im about to decrease my speech time. I thrive to silence. No talking when not necessary. Join me.