Chemistry Fhemistry

Hi there,
The hour is pretty much late and Im safely typing under the influence of two blankets on our leather couch with MTV in the background. The humming of bad rappers and failing pop artists is accompanying me tonight, every once in a while there are some new stuff on that's too off on the hipster side to be put on regular program time next to our friend Gaga or whoever. Fine.
I mean, I have so many pages to fill concerning my state but its too risky to spill the content of my questioned being since the 7th of March. I dont know. Everything keeps on changing.And I cant fully explain the group dynamics that failed to hold me like aura to a boiling pot for those molecules are too complicated and now when its sealed and done I cant really grasp what the hell went on. And a lot did. I was drugged for a period of time that now looks like forever by a chemical connection that took an inside job to be broken and divided, and to simplify my bullshit (always needed, in my case) it only took a couple- a young pair of love doves I mean, and rumors, of course! Oh well, now when its done I guess I am able to see again, I was blind by fitting in. I was blind and now I can see. I was stuck and now with all my sadness and nostalgic sentimental gesture toward that time I have this big window of opportunity to start over. To restart. Those people never appreciated me to a full extant and all though I wanted to fill the gaps our friendship never made it to a level where I could state, never ever going back on it, that we can talk and flip the speech like fish and it wouldn't get boring. Because friend, I know you think I trashed you behind your back, I really didnt, but I do have to say I never had a friend who was as boring as you were to talk to. I dont think its me though, I think the problem is actually yours. You lost me and i think I was pretty damn ok, ok? So fuck off now, Im just having a little fun now that you kicked my ass out of our little nest of a group... Even though you broke my chances with that person I wanted to, I'll put it harshly and flattened as hell, 'hook up', it was never your fault, it was mine and Im aware of the fact that even if you had invited me that night, i dont think anything whould have happened there. Im ok with it.

So.....
Fresh start eh?
pshh.... Havent had those in a while now. Im actually pretty damn excited because thats the first time since I moved back here that somebody is kicking me out of a group and not me exiling myself for the sake of it. Yes, I used to do that, a lot. Wow. Thats what I call 'Moving somewhere'.
As Im writing this I know that I cant escape S and E, even though they have decided to cut me off, it doesnt mean it wont go back to a relationship state of being. As Im writing this Im realizing that I was in that same exact situation a year ago! I never learn! And now Im hanging out with T, just like it used to , I need a change, I cant stick to this circle of corruption and distaste! Seriously, inhale this motto "Have fun". Thats all, I guess, for now. You dont need no more than that when you are 15 touching 16...

Oh and happy one year anniversary, Raw Powerr, woah, I dont remember when exactly I formed you but it was in April so its bound to be that day sooner or later...