Zavvoooom

ok hi.



Im very bored but also really hyperactive. Its such a change being on these meds. I know that it sounds serious but it aint at all. All in all my Mother subscribes Xanas for me and I see a lot of improvement. I mean im not moving anywhere, or maybe I am, I just dont want to ruin it by writing about it. But my head is somewhere else its like suddenly not only I want to live but Im doing all the things I used to whine about not doing! Im going out, smoking, drinking, having a blast at parties. Entering pubs with no ID dancing like the crazy obscure person I always wanted to reach to. It comes with a price, the lying the manipulating, its something you need to get used to. Lying to everyone you respect, I mean its harsh. I have this huge secret and I swore not to tell anyone and all though no one really knows me here, or actually even reads my posts (with justice though) , I cant mouth it out. Its a big part of me and its pretty illegal and I just cant share it. It allienated me from the world in some way because its couching on my brain like a parasite and I cant even as little as get it off my chest to a friend. Its like it never happened but it did. It blows my mind how things just happen.



So I need to fix my guilt trip bus you all. It stops me from pushing further. It stops me from staying over.