tick-tok tickle clock.

03:49
Im not posting what I started writing because its long and exausting, really.
When have I stopped writing for pleasure? Why am I this blog creature, I ,usually, dont really see bloggers as quiet balanced people such as myself. Im not looking for attention and both, I dont know why I own this blog.

03:50
I should be making Zs

03:51
oh man I only have a minute to complete the sente

03:52
Im not that slow of a typer, I waited the whole minute so the point would be made, ye know.
This book im reading, Trainspotting, is really hard to deal with because it uses lots of misspellings as to emphasis on the cockney accent slang and street talk, I have to read it out loud with the whole accent in order to fully and unconditionally understand what Im reading. My brain is so old it cant process it any other sophisticated way. I do painfully announce that I sound bitterly awful and if any human being is ever crossing paths with a Trainspotting reader who recites out loud on the train please proceed with your rad little life, staring is rude, mama said.

03:58
the thought had crossed my mind earlier. This wave of lunatic electricity jolting through my brain with great sinew, only tickling the circulation of mainstream thoughts- the ones concerning getting married and going to university and having money and having a petite family. BUT this train reaction that led to the tickle couldnt have prepared me for the frightening disorder. please note this is not suicidal.

I thought about it while in Munich on top of the roof ay the Science Museum, gushed with knowledge that will soon flap its wings out the nest of my memory I thought about how going to cities with the whole family is terrible as parents . I thought, taking your kids on city vacations is making me feel so old and selfless , kind of routine and not creative. And then the odd of it all was that this mainstream plan we all have  hacked into our hooks of future is now very much damaged, I don't want to have kids and be old and get married.I don't want to  be stuck and make lots ay money for the sake of chasing it. I want to love and travel the world and never settle down for a minute. the thought triggered me and fired wierd emotion that added confusion tho the parade of confusion, as in order to comfort my soul, i tried thinking about raising one and only single child and going around with them. But this kid is going to be filled with issues and never have a stable life, plus , therapy costs have gone up and I really feel like saving up for a motorcycle. please note this was a joke, I was just trying to stress out the awe I feel toward regular life, or life at all, or making money. I mean I cant measure my success with money, or JOB, I dont care, and fairly I dont care about a thing no more. Happiness is not the deal either, nor is love, nor is power in my case, probably stupidity and self awareness Ive got those going on pretty well.jks. What is there to live for? Joy/??? Life's a bitch.

LIFE'S A BITCH

04:11
And then you marry one

AND THEN SHE HAS A SISTER

04:12

and then you

die.



Am I even really alive? Is this all in my head? I want to cross country the US, be everywhere.

04:26

after brutal editing.
Numb, Numb and hungry but wont feed the mouth because My point hasnt been made correctly and the meaning of life is still a mystery to me. However, the meaning of sleep is very very clear and crystal. SMASH.

Mat?